10 Things Pissing Off Shop Assistants (This One Specifically)

I thought I’d mix it up this week and go for something less heavy. As you probably know by now I fulfil all the Cornish stereotypes and work in a pasty shop. In fact, I’ve been working in customer service since I was thirteen. So I’ve heard enough blood boiling bullshit to fill hundreds of blog posts. For the benefit of not revealing just how much pent up rage I possess, though, here’s my top ten.

  • Expecting free stuff.

As I told a lady the other day, “we’re a business, not a charity.” Sorry not sorry. Pay for yo shizz. (Yes, that includes extra empty coffee cups because you’re too posh to drink pop from the bottle, and coffee cups full of boiling water for you to put your own tea bags in. I don’t care if you’re “really not happy about this”.) A branch off this tree would be people who expect discounts. Getting angry at me will only make me charge you more. And permanently raise the prices for everyone. True story. I did this.

  • MANSPLAINING.

Do NOT tell me how to do my job. NEVER say good girl or well done when I hand you something you asked for. And don’t even DREAM of telling me what I should be doing with my life instead of working here. Seriously. This makes me raaaaage. (Yes, random man I just met, I’m well aware you can make millions by starting a blog. Oh, I should create one giving advice to fellow twenty-somethings? Well, shit, I never thought about that… Ah, I can’t write YA because I “can’t get away with being a teenager anymore” wow, f*ck you.)

  • Ordering something, waiting for me to ring it in, then spending ages grabbing other things from around the shop and holding up the queue.

I think this speaks for itself. It’s bloody annoying. If you or your kids aren’t done picking things out, don’t come to me. Especially when you can clearly see it’s busy and the shop is the size of your average car parking space.

  • Licking your money (or sneezing on it!)

Why is this a thing? Pray tell, WHY? This is so common, though. Stop licking your damn money!! And to the guy who sneezed into his fiver before handing it over: I hope you stand on an upturned plug.

  • Arriving just as we’re closing.

“Are you closing?” they ask, as they climb over all the stock we’ve brought inside, in a shop with all the lights turned off. Then without waiting for an answer they proceed to bring in their twenty friends and family members. Oh my. How I wish I always got to stay at work late for free… Please leave.

  • People who ask if our food is nice.

Not exactly going to say no, am I? Selling you this food is literally my job. Use your brain. (This is probably a niche one, to be honest.)

  • Angry/ abusive customers.

Some people go through life looking for things to be angry about (she says hypocritically in a blog post about things that annoy her…). If you’ve had a bad day, I’m sorry to hear that, but please don’t walk into a shop and take your anger out on the shop assistant. We are not paid enough to deal with that. May I suggest a therapist? Or a boxing class? Kindness is free.

  • Children.

Ugh, children. More specifically, people who don’t watch their children. I’m not a babysitter. The amount of glass that nearly got shattered this summer is unbelievable. As is the amount of snot that’s undoubtedly on all the un-sold toys. Oh, and all the broken toys! People get really angry when you try to get them to pay for the toys their kids have broken too… Every single parent I saw this summer looked like they deeply regret all their life choices. My maternal instinct has faded to non-existent at this point. Does it show? (And do kids come with a volume dial? Because holy cow.)

  • Entitled/ rude people.

I feel like this has already been encapsulated in a lot of the other points above, but they needed their own point. My advice: Just don’t be a dick. Simple. And close the freezer, for the love of God.

  • Okay, all people…

Customer service basically makes you hate everyone. You realise just how entitled and hideous the human race is, and begin to think ‘well, we deserve to go extinct, to be honest’.

I’m going to go live in a cave and become a professional hermit.

Alright? Cool.

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